Darkness, Darkness
by lks358
Summary: When Christine is faced with the weight of her decisions, will she regret her choice?  Will she have the courage to accept a life of darkness to be with the man she truly loves?  Sort of an eventual LND alternate story, but not entirely. E/C as always.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! So, this is a new phic that I was inspired to write after seeing Phantom 25 (twice, if anyone cares to know what I do when I'm not writing), and I'm not quite sure where it's going, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Enjoy!**

I was under his spell. I knew I was the moment I heard that voice ring out the first melodious, seductive notes of that song. I also knew that he had killed Piangi – otherwise he would not be here now – but the thought inflicted no emotion within me. I was already too far gone. It felt like I was falling, slowly drifting away, lost in the warm silkiness of Erik's voice, and I didn't know if I had the strength or the will to break away. I was no longer on the stage, no longer in the opera house. No one was watching us; we were alone in a world that only we could get to, a world where only his music could take us. There were only us and the music now, and the music hung in the air around us, heavy and sensuous.

"_Past the point of no return – _

_No backward glances:_

_Ours games of make-believe_

_Are at an end_…"

The lids of my eyes felt heavy and I could barely register that I felt his hands on me, running across my neck and down my arms. My mind couldn't think but my body responded for me and I leaned back into Erik, pressing my back more firmly to his chest as his hands slid across my stomach and up my chest. With his last words my mind snapped into sharp focus and I was suddenly aware of the thousands of pairs of eyes on us, of the burning gaze of my fiancé as he helplessly watched our passionate embrace from mere feet away, and I quickly untangled myself from Erik and stepped away from him. The sudden distance between us made the air around me feel cold, but it still felt as if there was electricity between us. My chest was heaving as I glanced from Raoul to Erik, but my mind was soon clear enough to remember to sing. _This is only an act,_ I reminded myself. _This is all part of Raoul's plan. Just go along with it._

"_You have brought me_

_To that moment where words run dry,_

_To that moment where speech_

_Disappears into silence, silence_..."

I allowed my voice to indulge in the passion of the song and grow intense and seductive, and I found myself once again getting lost in the music. Soon all I could see was Erik. My heart began to race as the melody became more fervent, and the music easily drew me back to Erik, as if it connected us irreversibly. But again, the feeling of the eyes on me put reality back in focus and I realized what was happening. _I should never have agreed to do this_, I thought, panicking. All I wanted was for this to be over. I tried to bolt, to run off the stage and into Raoul's arms and forget this nightmare, but Erik held my hands tightly and pulled me to the center of the stage as our song climaxed.

"_Past the point of no return,_

_The final threshold – _

_The bridge is crossed,_

_So stand and watch it burn_...

_We've passed the point_

_Of no return_…"

As our final note rang out I pulled back Erik's hood to expose his masked face. I took advantage of his momentary surprise to run from him, but Raoul stood to the side of the stage and motioned for me to stay where I was. How could he make me stay here with Erik? I gave him a pleading look, but still he shook his head and motioned for me to stay. So I stood still on the stage, trembling, too frightened to look back at Erik. I knew I had betrayed him before, and I knew that I had betrayed him now by revealing him, and I was frightened of what he might do – experiencing his anger once was enough for me to know that I never wanted to experience it again. But then he began to sing again, his words so strangely soft and sad that I turned back to face him.

"_Say you'll share with me_

_One love, one lifetime_...

_Lead me, save me_

_From my solitude_…"

Erik's voice was full of desperation as he approached me, and I knew what I had to do to put an end to all of this. Just the thought of hurting Erik like I was about to filled me with both fear and sadness, and I looked on him in pity as I saw the desperate love in his pleading eyes. My hands trembled as he took them in his, clutching me firmly but gently as if he would never let me go.

"_Say you want me with you,_

_Here, beside you_…"

My eyes filled with tears as he took his ring off his finger and carefully slipped it onto mine. _I'm so sorry, Erik,_ I thought, hoping that he could hear my silent apology.

"_Anywhere you go_

_Let me go too – _

_Christine,_

_That's all I ask of_..."

Before he could finish I reached for his mask, took a deep breath and pulled it off. I heard the gasps and screams of the cast and audience, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Raoul and the police closing in around us, but my gaze never left Erik. I did not shy away from his face, and for a moment our eyes locked. His expression was completely devoid of emotion, but his eyes silently questioned me so sadly that guilt and regret rushed through me. But in a flash, the sadness in his eyes was replaced with anger. He grabbed me roughly, and before the police could fire a single shot, we disappeared into the darkness.

**So there's the first chapter! What do you think? I'll try to update this phic as often as I can, but I already have another one the I'm updating, so we'll see how that goes. Please review and let me know what you think – the speed at which I will write the next chapter will be greatly increased if I get feedback on this one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, I was so happy that this story seemed off to a good start. Ideas for this are eating my brain, so I decided to forget about my homework and upcoming calculus test to bring you another chapter. Obviously, the first few chapters are following the end of the show, and from there, like I mentioned in the description, it sort of becomes a LND alternate story. I'm not quite sure of what I'm going to do with it, so if you have ideas or suggestions please feel free to let me know. On with the story!**

I'm not sure how long I sat in my room staring at the closed door. Well, it wasn't really my room, but it was the room that I had slept in before, and it was the room that Erik had shoved me into to put on the wedding dress. I knew that Erik would come back for me soon. I was taking too long and he might suspect that I was trying to come up with a means of escape. That was not the case, though – I was just trying to collect my thoughts.

Erik's anger had not subsided. If anything, it had grown worse as he dragged me down the dark, wet corridors through the cellars of the opera house. The guilt that I had felt at exposing Erik like I had had not gotten any better either. I could not imagine feeling any worse. I was terribly angry at him for forcing a life with him upon me now, yes, but part of me couldn't help but feel that I deserved it for betraying him so dreadfully. I could barely even begin to decipher my emotions. I was angry and sad and confused. I was too upset to even cry. I knew that Erik would not let me go, and part of me hated him for it fiercely. But there was still a part of me that pitied him for the cruelty the world had shown him, the cruelty that I had shown him.

I jumped at the harsh knock at the door, and Erik entered before I could even respond, grabbing me and roughly pulling me out into his lair. Anger and desire burned simultaneously in his eyes, and I was suddenly very afraid. As soon as he released me, I felt myself drop to the floor.

"_Have you gorged yourself at last,_

_In your lust for blood_?"

Erik made no reply. He barely glanced in my direction as he picked up the wedding veil, and for a moment I thought my anger would overpower my fear. My words came out bitter and resentful.

"_Am I now to be prey_

_To your lust for flesh_?"

Erik turned and looked at me coldly before pulling me to my feet and roughly placing the veil on my head. I met his gaze and did not look away, but was surprised to see a desperate, pleading look in his eyes behind the anger.

"_This face, which earned_

_A mother's fear and loathing_…

_A mask, my first_

_Unfeeling scrap of clothing_…"

His voice was filled with sadness that I could barely begin to comprehend; it was filled with despair that could only have come from a lifetime of unfathomable hatred. I felt sorry for him, even as his sadness turned back into anger.

"_Pity comes too late –_

_Turn around and face your fate:_

_An eternity of _this

_Before your eyes_!"

For a moment, Erik was no longer the Phantom. For a moment, he was just a man, wildly desperate for the love which he had always been denied. I took a step closer to him, reaching out to him but never touching him. His anger diminished, and he seemed to crumple dejectedly, as if the world was simply too much to bear any longer. And I knew that for him, it probably was too much to bear. I braced myself and laid my hand on his shoulder gently, waiting until his eyes met mine before I spoke.

"_This haunted face_

_Holds no horror for me now_…

_It's in your soul_

_That the true distortion lies_…"

Even through my anger, how badly I wanted to apologize, to tell him that I was sorry for what I had done to him. Betraying him by becoming engaged to Raoul, and then tonight when I allowed the world to look upon his deformity… "Erik," I said softly. "I'm sorry. But this madness has to stop. I hurt you, and it was wrong of me, but I love Raoul and I'm engaged to him. Please just let me go." I looked at him pleadingly, and for a moment he looked back at me thoughtfully. But he looked up suddenly, aware of some small movement that I had failed to notice.

"_Wait, I think my dear,_

_We have a guest_!"

I turned to see Raoul approaching the gate, nearly waist-deep in the icy water of the lake. "Raoul!" I gasped, panic seizing me. Being here alone with Erik was one thing – I might have been able to convince him to let me go. The only one at risk was me. But now that Raoul was here, I knew that there would be no easy way out.

Erik raised the gate and Raoul took a few steps forward, cautious but still obviously confidant in his ability to rescue me. In a flash, though, Erik had a noose around Raoul's neck. Raoul clawed desperately at the rope, but it was useless. "Stop!" I shrieked, running to Erik, who paid no attention to me. "Erik, please, stop this! Don't do this, Erik, please!" Tears ran down my cheeks as I helplessly watched the rope pull tighter.

"You have a choice to make, Christine," Erik said coldly.

"Erik, please, I don't understand!" I sobbed, looking frantically between him and Raoul.

"Both you and your boy are free to leave," Erik continued, desperation clear in his voice. "But if you leave, it will cost your lover his life. And if he leaves," Erik pulled the rope even tighter, "then he will leave you behind."

"Christine!" My name was no more than a strangled gasp from Raoul's lips. "My life isn't worth it! You can be free of him!"

My mind raced as I processed the impossible choice that lay before me. I forgot any pity that I had ever felt for Erik. Right now I could only feel hate._ How could you do this to me, Erik?_ I wanted to scream. I had always thought that there was some shred of good in Erik. I had seen him kill, and I had been utterly terrified by him, but at least a small part of me had always believed that he could be good. But now… I couldn't feel sorry for him. I couldn't believe that he could do this to me and still be good. I knew that the right thing to do would be to stay with Erik, and I knew that I would not be able to live with Raoul's death on my hands. But could I really stay with this man that I loathed so absolutely?

I trembled as I sank to my knees, giving Erik one last frantic plea. "Erik," I said softly. "You can make me stay here, but you can't make me love you and I know that's what you really want. You can do what you will with me, but with each day that passes I will hate you even more for forcing this upon me. That can't be what you want, Erik. Please, I'm begging you, don't do this."

For a moment Erik said nothing. He held out his hand to me and pulled me to my feet when I accepted it. I almost dared to hope that he would let us go. But instead he looked at me coldly, his gaze unwavering as he said bitterly, "You try my patience. Make your choice."

Fresh tears came to my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I had to stay with him – what other choice did I have? But I was desperate, and I knew that there was one last thing that I could try to persuade him. Closing my eyes and drawing in a deep breath, I trembled but never let go of his hand as I sang softly.

"_Pitiful creature of darkness_…

_What kind of life have you known_?"

I slowly gained courage, taking the strength in the fact that I had nothing to lose – I was prepared to stay with him to save Raoul's life.

"_God give me courage to show you_

_You are not alone_…"

With my last words I tenderly pressed my lips to his. Erik seemed too surprised, too incredulous to react, even when I pulled away slightly to wrap my arms around him tightly. I could feel his hands hovering just over my back, as if he was afraid that if he touched me I would disappear. I held him tighter, replacing my lips on his and cupping his face gently in my hands, caressing the marred flesh. I could taste the faint salt of tears on our lips, but whether they were his or mine I couldn't tell. Erik pulled away slightly, and he looked at me in amazement as he gently wiped away my tears. My name formed silently on his lips, and I realized that I no longer felt angry. I felt terribly desperate, but as I looked at Erik all I could feel was pity for him. He acted as if a kind hand had never been laid on him, and for the first time I began to comprehend the horror that he must have suffered in his life.

The rope fell from Erik's hands and he turned away distractedly. It was a moment before I realized what was happening and ran to Raoul, nearly shaking with relief, helping him free himself and embracing him tightly.

"Take her, forget me, forget all of this!" I heard Erik say, his voice quiet but intense. "Go now!" Raoul wasted no time in grabbing me and running for our escape, but I couldn't help looking back at Erik. He was turned away from us, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed silently. "Go now and leave me!"

Raoul hurried me into the gondola, quite understandably eager to get as far away from here as possible. I gently laid my hand on his shoulder. "Wait, Raoul," I said softly, glancing down at the ring on my finger. "I need to do something first."

"Christine, we have to leave _now_," Raoul hissed insistently. "That man's mad, and we have to leave while we still can!"

"It will only take a moment. Please, Raoul."

Raoul sighed as I climbed back out of the gondola and walked back into Erik's lair. There he sat on the ground, his face tear-streaked, holding his head in his hands. His despair was palpable, and tears blurred my vision as I watched him for a moment. He noticed me, then, and stood to come to me. His eyes silently pleaded with me before he spoke, his voice weary and despondent.

"_Christine, I love you_."

Silent sobs wracked my body as I slid the ring – his ring – off my finger and placed it in his open palm. He grasped my hand urgently as I felt Raoul's firm hand on my shoulder, already pulling me away. I held Erik's cold hand tightly, pressing soft kisses to his knuckles, hoping that he would understand my unspoken apology. Then I let his hand drop and took a step away, watching in pain as he sank to the floor hopelessly. "I love you," he repeated quietly. "I love you." As I looked upon him one last time, I couldn't help but remember that this man was my teacher, my mentor. He had been there for me in my sorrow, he had taught my voice to soar as it only could for him. And this was how I repaid him.

Before I could apologize, before I could even mutter a goodbye, Raoul pulled me away. I held on to him tightly as we journeyed back to the world above, needing comfort and reassurance from my fiancé as we left the dark cellars of the opera, and the desperate, broken man who dwelled within them, behind for what I could only assume would be forever.

**Sadness! Let me just say that I cry every time I watch the end of Phantom, so just know that Christine is definitely NOT leaving Erik forever. She will be back quite soon, in fact. As for my updating schedule, I will get at least one chapter of my other phic, The Black Rose, up by the end of the week, and there will probably be another chapter of this coming soon as well. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again my dear, dear readers! Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews; I really appreciate hearing from you. Enjoy the chapter!**

I felt as if I was in a dream as I lied in bed and stared out the window into the dark night, having already found that trying to sleep was futile. To be honest, I had felt this way for hours, ever since Raoul and I left the cellars of the opera. Coming out into the cold night air had felt so strange, and the open sky above us felt too spacious, too open. I had been shivering violently, but whether it was from the cold air on my soaking dress or from emotion I wasn't sure. Raoul had wrapped his arms around me, but I found no comfort or warmth in his embrace. All I knew was that I felt miserable for what I had done to Erik.

Raoul took me to his family's estate, but in my despondent state the evening was nothing more than a blur of concerned voices giving me instructions to change and lie down, telling me that everything was alright and that I was safe now and that I couldn't even dream of staying anywhere but with them. A seemingly impossibly large group of maids escorted me to a guest room, and I was passed around as I was stripped of my now-ragged dress, bathed, put into a warm nightgown, and promptly placed in bed.

But for all the apparent concern for my well-being, no one had come to check on me since. No one had come to see if I felt alright, or if I was sleeping, or if I needed comforting or wanted someone to be sent for. There had been no word from Raoul, but he had not even asked how I was all night.

I sighed and sank deeper into the comfortable bed. I was so very tired, but every time I closed my eyes, my mind showed me images of Erik, heartbroken and dismal. I tried hard not to think about him. I tried to forget, even temporarily, that any of this had happened. I tried to revive the feelings of hate and anger that I had felt so intensely earlier. But nothing could erase his miserable, pleading eyes from my thoughts. And nothing could make me feel better.

Eventually the farthest edges of the sky began to glow with the coming of dawn, and still I had managed only minutes of restless sleep. But even those minutes, as few as they were, were still filled with nightmares. I saw Erik being caught by the mob and killed. I saw him being caught by the police and sitting now in a dank, lonely jail cell as he waited to be hung. I awoke from these dreams with a start, tears streaming down my face as I frantically grasped the sheets, trying to forget the awful scenes in my mind. But what my conscious mind showed me was so much worse than my dreams. I saw myself killing Erik, laughing carelessly as I did. I saw myself leave him over and over again. I saw the desperate, pleading face that watched me as I left, and I knew that I had killed him.

This thought was so much worse than the others because I knew it was true.

I lied in bed well into the morning. I had no desire to get up, but even if I had I doubted I would have the strength. After a while, a maid, a girl who couldn't have been older than me came quietly into my room with a breakfast tray. "How do you feel this morning, Miss Daaé?" she asked as she set the tray down on the bedside table. When I didn't immediately answer, she gave me a concerned look. "You look very pale, Miss. Do you feel ill? Did you not sleep well? The Vicomte told me that if there is anything that could put you more at ease it should be done immediately."

"Please assure him that the room lacks no comfort…" I hesitated, not knowing the girl's name.

"Adele, Miss," she said, moving from my bedside to the wardrobe.

"Adele," I continued. "The room lacks no comfort; I just did not sleep well last night. But please thank the Vicomte and his family for their kindness and generosity."

Adele pulled a soft-looking pale pink dressing robe out of the wardrobe and came back to stand at my bedside? "Will you not eat something, Miss Daaé?" she asked, her eyes darting to the tray full of food next to me. "You might feel better if you do, and you need your strength to recover from everything."

"What have you heard of what I've been through?" I snapped, suddenly feeling defensive. I knew she couldn't mean anything by her comment, but to me it seemed like an attack on Erik. And the realization and I wanted to defend Erik only added to the weight of the emotions that sat heavily on my chest.

"N-nothing, Miss Christine," Adele stammered, caught off-guard by my sudden rudeness. "I never listen to the rumors around here. Mother always told me that gossip is a sin. All I know is what the Vicomte told me, which was that you had been through a lot and would need time to recover."

We were silent for a moment before she moved to leave. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that," I said quietly, ashamed of my behavior.

"It's alright, Miss Daaé," Adele said, smiling at me friendlily. "Just call for me if there's anything I can get you." She turned to leave again, and again I stopped her.

"Please stay with me for a while. I think that maybe I just need a little company right now." Adele returned and, after helping me put on the pink dressing robe, pulled a chair to my bedside and sat. "I'm just having a hard time with everything that's happened," I continued as I pulled myself up to a sitting position in the bed and leaned back against the pillows. "I can't even comprehend any of it… Adele, you said you don't know any of what happened?"

"Nothing at all," she replied.

"Would it be alright if I told you what happened? I think that maybe if I can tell someone it could start to make sense to me."

Adele nodded. "Say anything that you feel comfortable saying, Miss, and I swear I shan't breathe a word of it. Only do try to eat at least a few bites first – you look so pale and thin."

I acquiesced and, picking up a pastry off of the tray, took a small bite. I quickly set it back down – just the sensation of having food in my mouth made me feel ill – and decided that the steaming cup of tea seemed like a much better option. Adele seemed complacent at this, though, and she settled deeper into her chair, smoothing out the skirt of her plain black dress as she waited for me to begin. For a moment, the realization that I was about to share my innermost thoughts and secrets with a maid from my fiancé's household who I had known for only minutes mortified me. But then I remembered that there was no one else who had inquired after me, no one else who I could tell everything to who had no preconceptions of anything involved in the story.

And so I took a deep breath and went back to the very beginning.

**So, the next couple chapters probably won't directly involve Erik, but I promise that even if it doesn't seem like it now there will be plenty of E/C goodness in this story. Also, I will not be able to update next week, as I will be in Hawaii. But I plan on using the 7-hour plane trip to write, so I'll have more chapters when I get back. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm back! Thank you all so much for the reviews, and enjoy the chapter!**

I told Adele everything, thinking hard as the memories washed over me, trying to grasp every last detail.

"When I was little, my father told me that when he was in heaven, he would send the Angel of Music to protect me, and I always believed him. After he died, I felt completely hopeless. All I wanted was to have him back. So when a voice began to speak to me, I didn't doubt that it was the Angel he had promised. It was a voice so kind and beautiful and melodious… how could it be anything other than the Angel of Music? But one night – the night that Raoul came to see me – my Angel revealed himself to be just a man. I think that part of me still thinks of him as my Angel of Music, though, even after everything that's happened."

I went on to explain how Erik had murdered Bouquet and I became engaged to Raoul. I described Erik's opera and how Raoul had pressured me to perform in it to trap Erik. Adele listened intently, nodding her head but saying nothing. My voice became choked with emotion as I neared the end of the story.

"Erik told me that he would kill Raoul unless I agreed to stay with him. I knew I had to save Raoul, but I hated Erik so much for putting me through everything that the thought of staying with him seemed unbearable. And I hated myself for questioning what to do and for still feeling sorry for Erik. Even now, I hate the fact that I can rationalize a madman threatening to kill my fiancé. I was terrified and confused, and I just wanted to get through to Erik. So I…" my voice caught as I remembered the moment, feeling Erik's lips against mine.

"I kissed him. But what really doesn't make sense is the fact that now I feel… I don't know… like I betrayed Raoul by doing it. I mean, it all happened so fast, and it was so confusing and I felt so much all at once… what if I felt something more than I was supposed to feel? What if that kiss was more than just a desperate last attempt to save both Raoul and me?"

I looked at Adele helplessly, silently pleading for her opinion. She wouldn't meet my eyes as she said very quietly, "It sounds like you did feel something more, Miss. Otherwise, why would you feel like you betrayed the Vicomte?"

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, only now realizing that I was crying. "I can still see the look in his eyes when I left with Raoul," I said, my voice haunted and trembling. "God, every time I close my eyes, it's all I see. I can still hear how he sounded when he said he loved me." Adele studied me carefully for a moment. "Tell me what I should do," I begged. "I can't do this on my own; I need someone to tell me what to do."

"I'm sorry, Miss Christine," she said, hastily standing and throwing a frantic glance at the door. "It's not my place."

"Adele, please," I said, grabbing her wrist to keep her from leaving. "I promise that you will receive no reprimand for whatever you say. None of what is said in this room will ever reach anyone else, especially anyone in the DeChangy family. Please," I looked at her pleadingly. "I think I can consider you a friend after all that I've told you, and I need to know what you think."

The panic had left Adele's features as she sat back down in the chair. "If it was me in this situation," she began hesitantly, "I would have stayed with Erik, or at least I would go back to him now so I could figure out how I felt. But we are in very different situations, Miss Christine," she warned, "and I know that I have not taken propriety into account as much as the future wife of the Vicomte should."

I nodded, a strange, almost unsettling, sense of calm coming over me, and in the back of my mind, I knew that I had already made my decision. "Thank you, Adele," I said. "And thank you for listening. I think that talking through it all helped me sort things out."

"I'm happy I could help, Miss Christine," Adele said, taking the breakfast tray off my bedside table and walking toward the door. "You should try to get some sleep now."

As the door closed softly, I sank back into the pillows and closed my eyes, hoping that my new sense of calm would allow me to finally sleep. But still, when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Erik. For a while, I did try to sleep, but after what felt like ages of tossing and turning restlessly, I gave up and began to try to sort through my muddled emotions.

Telling my entire story had helped me. I knew that I had to see Erik again. I had to apologize for hurting him. He needed to know that, even after everything, I didn't hate him. But I also knew that Adele was right when she spoke of the impropriety of the idea. Raoul would never approve of my going to see Erik, and even if he did approve, if the press found out it would cause a scandal. I could ruin the life we had waiting for us all because I needlessly doubted myself. I loved Raoul. I loved the safety and security he offered me, the quiet affection he showed me. For the briefest of moments, though, a question flitted across my mind: did I really love him, or just the idea of him? Could it be that I was really just in love with the idea of marrying my wealthy, handsome childhood sweetheart – the young boy who had fetched my scarf from the sea for me?

I quickly pushed the thought from my mind. The wedding was in only a few days, and it was perfectly normal to be nervous. And after all the chaos of the past months, it was only natural to not feel used to the idea of a peaceful, normal life. I only felt like it was happening so quickly because I had been focusing on everything except the wedding for so long. But I did love Raoul, very truly, and I knew we would have a very happy life together.

So if our life together would be so very happy, then what would be the harm in seeing Erik one last time to apologize to him? Somehow, I knew that Raoul would not see it this way and I decided not to mention it to him. Why should I tell him something that would only cause him anger and worry? _A better question_, I thought,_ would be what has gotten into me_? Not only was I questioning my feelings for Raoul, I was preparing to deceive him, lie to him by seeing Erik behind his back. _It's just the stress of the situation_, I told myself. _I'll be back to normal once all this is over_.

When Adele came in to check on me and offer me lunch, she told me that I was expected at dinner that night and that there were dresses in the wardrobe for me to choose from. I wasn't sure how I found the strength or the will to drag myself out of bed to bathe and dress, but I did, and after choosing the least garish of the silk gowns offered to me, Adele helped me pin up my hair.

"It would be best for you to continue to do so," she told me as she pinned my curls into a tight, tidy bun. "I've heard remarks about how improper it is for the Vicomte's fiancé to wear her hair down like you do."

Dinner that night was not entirely uncomfortable, but I could tell that Raoul's family still did not accept me. Raoul leaned over once to ask quietly if I was feeling better, and I simply nodded, but in truth I was feeling more tortured than before. Raoul's mother coolly went over wedding plans with me, but other than that no one gave me any notice. I excused myself almost immediately after dinner, saying that I was tired and not fully recovered from last night's events. Raoul offered to walk me to my room, and I leaned on him tiredly as we walked through the darkened halls, glad to finally have a peaceful moment with my fiancé.

"How are you?" I asked softly, running my fingers over his neck where the rope had been.

"I want to kill that monster with every fiber of my being," he said, jaw clenched in anger. I could feel myself pale at his words, though I was surprised to realize that it was out of worry for Erik's safety. Raoul's expression softened when he looked at me. "Don't worry, Lotte. He will be caught and you will never have to fear him again."

I didn't want to talk about Erik. We had reached my room and my hand rested on the doorknob as I waited for Raoul to bid me goodnight. He said nothing, but pressed his lips to mine, kissing me with force. I kissed him back automatically, though I felt nothing but the exhaustion and hopeless confusion I had felt all day, and he put his hands firmly on my hips and pushed me back into my room. Before I knew it, he was pushing me back onto the bed, his hands already at my skirts.

"Raoul," I said, breaking our kiss. "Wait, stop, please." Raoul drew back slightly to look at me confusedly, if not impatiently. "Not like this, Raoul, please. Not so soon after everything that's happened – I'm just not ready."

"But why, Lotte?" he asked, his voice thick with desire. "Why not now? You love me, don't you?" I nodded. "Then why?"

"I'm just… not ready. And besides, our wedding is so close anyway. Why can't we just wait a little longer?"

Raoul had pulled away from me completely, now, and stood up off the bed. "Are yo sure that's the only reason?" he asked, studying me carefully. "You're just nervous? …There's nothing else?"

"What do you mean? What other reason could there be?"

Raoul shook his head. "Nothing. It's… nothing. Goodnight, Christine." With that, I was alone once more.

Of course I knew what he had meant. I could see jealousy flashing in his eyes. I thought back to the times I had tearfully confided to him about the whispers, the hateful glares from Carlotta and her followers. "The Phantom's Whore," they called me. But of course it wasn't true. Erik had never touched me, not like that. In a flash of memory I felt his hands gliding across my body but never touching me, as if I could easily break in his grasp, the first time he took me down to his lair. Then I felt his lips on mine as I had kissed him, desperate for something but unsure of what exactly that was; I saw the disbelief and joy in his eyes when he had pulled away to look at me.

I shook the thoughts from my head. _Memories of Erik is not what is holding me back from being with Raoul_, I told myself. But I knew I needed to see Erik one last time before I would truly be able to live with my choice. I had to find him.

**So, obviously we have some pretty intense chapters approaching. However, next month is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, which means that I will be trying to write an entire novel in 30 days, and my life will be absolutely insane. Fortunately, I have some chapters prewritten, so even if I don't get to write anything new for this next month, there will be a couple updates. Please review – the more reviews I get, the more updates you'll get!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello, everyone! As always, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. NaNoWriMo is absolutely crazy, but very fun. Enjoy the chapter!**

I woke the next morning feeling determination even stronger than before. As confused and hopelessly lost as I felt, I was absolutely sure that I needed to see Erik again. If I made sure that he was alright, if I told him how sorry I was for the way that everything had happened, I would be able to live the peaceful, happy life with Raoul that I had always dreamt of. And now, I knew where to begin in my search for Erik. I dressed and ate breakfast with Raoul, who barely said two words to me. He couldn't be upset over last night, could he?

"I'm goin to see Madame Giry today, if that's alright," I told him, adding the last part in a quieter tone after remembering that I couldn't attract Raoul's suspicion.

Whatever for?" he replied, sounding almost bored. He must still be upset with me. Was it really that big of a deal for me to ask him to wait a couple more days?

"I just wanted to visit with her and Meg for a while – let them know that I'm ok."

Raoul nodded his approval, so after we are I ordered a carriage and gave the driver Madame Giry's address. But on our way there, we passed the opera house. "Stop," I told the driver, getting out of the carriage once it had slowed to a halt. "I'll only be gone a minute. I just need to… get something that I left in my dressing room."

Once inside, I quickly slipped through the halls of the opera, careful to remain unnoticed, until I reached my dressing room. Everything was just as I had left it, and I felt a stab of regret. Last time I had been in here, I had been praying that Raoul wouldn't make me go onstage. I prayed that he would change his mind and not make me betray Erik like he was going to. I had been so terrified, but now I realized that my fear had been both for me and for Erik. Lighting a lamp to carry with me, I carefully slipped through the mirror into the dark passageways beyond. I walked very carefully, remembering the path we had taken the first time Erik had taken me down here. But when I reached his lair, I saw a very different sight than what I had seen that night.

The lair had been completely destroyed. Erik's possessions lay shattered on the ground; there was torn sheet music strewn about the room. With tears in my eyes, I picked up the veil that I had worn only days before. It was torn clean in half. I shuddered as I thought of the possible reasons for this destruction – it could have been the mob, or it could have been Erik's own doing. I wiped the tears from my cheeks, not wanting to think about what either possibility meant. I didn't need to see any more, and I knew that Erik was not here – I had known that he wouldn't be here even before I entered the opera house. But I had hoped beyond all hope that I was wrong, that he was still here, still safe.

Back on the surface, I quickly returned to my carriage, muttering to the driver that I was unable to find what I had left and wished to continue to Madame Giry's house.

Madame Giry's house was small, but it was always kept neat and clean. I knocked on the door, and Meg answered it a moment later, her eyes growing wide when she saw me. "Christine!" she cried, flinging her arms around me and wrapping me in a tight hug. "I'm so happy to see you! We heard that you and Raoul were safe. Come in! Tell us how you are! Mother, it's Christine!"

Meg brought me into the parlor, where Madame Giry embraced me warmly. "Christine! You look well." That was a lie. My lack of sleep showed in the dark circles around my eyes and in the lack of color in my face, and I was sure that my eyes were still red from crying.

"Christine," Meg said as we sat down. "You must tell us everything that's happened! We know that Erik let you go, but he won't –" she stopped abruptly after a sharp look from Madame Giry, realizing that she had revealed too much.

"But he won't say more about it," I finished for Meg, knowing my suspicions were correct – they were helping Erik, which was exactly what I was hoping for. "I don't want to talk about it now. I will tell you sometime, but not now." I turned to Madame Giry, deciding to get right to the point. "I need to know where he is," I said pleadingly.

"No you don't, Christine," Madame said, her eyes sad. "I know you wouldn't get him arrested, but the fewer people who know where he is, the safer he will be."

"I need to see him. I need to apologize, to say goodbye."

Still, Madame Giry shook her head. "I'm sorry, Christine, but I can't let you. How cruel it would be to let him see you again, only to make him watch you leave again. When I found him, he was so heartbroken he didn't care if he lived or died. If Meg and I hadn't done something, he would have let the mob take him. I don't know if he would survive if he had to watch you leave again."

"But that's why I have to talk to him," I said passionately. "I feel the same pain that he does, and it will never go away unless I can tell him that I don't hate him, and I –" I was about to say that I needed to know that I had done the right thing, but decided against it. "I need to say goodbye to him to be able to happily start my new life."

"We are leaving the night of your wedding, Christine. Meg and I are taking him far away, where everyone can forget that any of this happened and get on with their lives. Can't you just let that happen? Can't you just let him go?"

"Of course I can," I said. "And I will. But neither of us will be able to move on unless we can talk to each other one last time. Then we can be at peace."

"Does Raoul know you're doing this?" Madame asked. I shook my head, and she looked at me in disapproval. "Christine, you have no business in going to find him. Your wedding is the day after tomorrow! Why are you hiding something as important as this from him? Has something happened to make you change your mind about the wedding?"

"No, nothing," I said quietly. "There's just no need to involve Raoul in this – this is something that I have to do. Besides, he would never let me see Erik again. He wants to see Erik dead."

Madame Giry studied me seriously for a moment. "You are willing to go behind your fiancé's back to see the man that kidnapped you and almost killed him?"

"Please, Madame," I begged. "I can't explain it. I just know that I need to see him."

Madame gave a long sigh. "Alright, then. I will give you the address where you can find him. But please, Christine, for everyone's sakes, be careful." With that she left to write down the address, and Meg turned to me with a worried look.

"What's going on, Christine? Why are you going to see him?"

I shook my head, letting my bewilderment show. "I don't know," I said. "I don't know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. I know that I shouldn't go to him, but everything inside me tells me that I need to. I just don't know anymore, Meg."

Meg wrapped her arms around me, and I let her pull me to her. "Mother's right, Christine," she said. "Just be careful."

**Please review! More reviews = faster, more frequent updates!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm starting to really miss being able to write fanfiction, so fortunately you'll probably be getting more updates than normal once the month is over. As always, thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews, and enjoy the chapter!**

I waited until after everyone had gone to bed that night. When the house was still and dark, I got out of bed and, wrapped in my robe and not bothering to slip on any shoes, slipped silently out into the dark, moonless night. The streets were empty, and I was careful not to disturb the silence as I walked quickly through the darkness to the address that Madame Giry had given me.

The house that I was led to was run-down and had long ago been abandoned by its owner. It loomed over me, looking skeletal in the dim light that the stars provided. I entered cautiously, silently picking my way through empty room after empty room. Finally, in a bedroom in the farthest corner of the house, I saw him. He stood at a window, looking out into the night, his back turned to me. I saw his mask discarded on a small table in the corner, but I no longer feared his face. "Erik," I said quietly.

He turned, and though I could not see his face well, I could feel his surprise. He looked at me long and hard, and at first I was not sure if he could see me. "Christine…" His voice was filled with disbelief. "Is it really you? You're really here?"

I took a few steps forward to close the distance between us, and Erik reached out to gently cup my cheek in his hand. I could hardly believe that this was real, either. But as soon as he touched me, every bit of confusion, every doubt that had filled me went away, replaced by a peace stronger than I had ever felt before. I was where I was supposed to be. I placed one hand on his marred cheek, caressing it softly; I placed the other hand lightly on his chest, feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart. "I'm here," I whispered.

"It can't be you," he said shakily. "I dreamt that you would come back to me; that's what this is. It has to just be some beautiful dream. You can't really be here. You would never come back."

I felt tears gliding down his cheeks, and I gently wiped them away. "Why are you crying?" I asked softly.

"Because I will wake, and you will be gone forever," he said, entwining his fingers in my curls and bringing us closer together. "You are getting married the day after tomorrow. You would never be here now."

"Do not cry, mon ange. This is not a dream – I am here. And I will not leave," I said without thinking. But as soon as I said it, it felt true. "I wasn't sure why I was here until now," I began to explain, "but now I know. I cannot leave you. You are a part of me, and I need you like I need the air I breathe." My words began a fresh wave of tears, and this time we both cried together. "Erik, I will not marry Raoul. I will not go back there – I will stay with you, wherever you go. Can you ever forgive me for leaving you?"

Erik kissed my forehead, and even though his lips barely brushed my skin, the contact sent fire running through my veins. He began to pull away from me, and the air between us felt too cold, too empty. I craved him, I craved his touch; I needed to know that I was here with him, and his simple kiss had set my body to life. I pressed my lips to his, but unlike last time, I let passion seep into the embrace. Erik kissed me back and held me tightly against him, desperate to feel me with him as I was to feel him with me.

There was only Erik and me in the world then. Nothing else mattered; nothing else existed. There was nothing now to keep us apart, and we were desperate to feel each other, to know that the other existed. Our kiss deepened, and his hands began to explore my body, shyly at first and then more boldly as he felt my reaction to him. "Erik," I gasped as his lips moved to my neck. My hands slipped beneath his thin white shirt, running over the scars across his chest and back, feeling the warmth of his skin and the racing of his heart.

"Christine," he whispered, his lips at my ear. "I love you. Say you love me. Say it."

"I love you," I gasped, clinging to him, pressing his body against mine. "I love you, I love you, I love you." My robe dropped to the ground, and I could feel the heat of his body through the thin fabric of my nightgown.

"Christine," he breathed, his voice low and husky as I undid the buttons of his shirt and let it fall to the ground before toying teasingly with the waist of his pants.

"I love you, Erik," I repeated. It was all I could say; it was all I could think. The realization that I loved him seemed so delayed when I thought back to all the times I could have realized it. But no, I had clung to my childish fantasy of Raoul and the life he offered me, afraid to enter a world of darkness to be with Erik. I was afraid no longer.

My lips hungrily met Erik's again, and we fell back onto the bed. My nightgown was swiftly pulled over my head, and my stockings lovingly rolled down my legs as I fumbled with the buttons of Erik's pants. At last there was nothing separating us; not clothing, not the world. "Christine," Erik breathed heavily. "Are you sure? You won't… regret this?"

I shook my head determinedly, and I knew that even in the darkness he could see. "I won't regret this. As long as I live, I won't regret this. I am sure."

Erik kissed me again, caressing my face gently. "I love you, mon ange."

The night air was cool, and I moved closer to Erik, our bodies tangled in the sheets and in each other. I heard him sigh as I lightly traced the scars on his chest. "Christine," he said solemnly. "You cannot fathom how much I love you. And no matter what, I will love you forever. Please promise me that you will remember that." His voice was filled with a deep sadness that I could not understand.

Instead of replying, I placed my lips back to his, tasting the salt of his silent tears and determined to show him the love that I felt. Lather, as I drifted off to sleep in Erik's arms, utterly exhausted but happier than I could ever remember being, I thought I heard him whisper mournfully, "What have I done?"

When I awoke again, the first thing I noticed was that I was cold. I rolled over, still half-asleep, searching for the warmth of Erik's body. When I realized that he was not there, I pulled the sheets over myself. "Erik, come back to bed," I mumbled groggily, not even opening my eyes. "I'm cold." There was no reply; there was not even any movement in the room. "Erik?" I called softly, sitting up. The room was empty.

I sank back into the bed to wait for him but as time passed, as cold, numb feeling came over me. I understood quickly, but I did not want to believe it. For a while I just sat and waited for Erik to come back. Eventually, I rose from the bed and pulled my clothes back on before searching the other rooms of the house. There was no trace of him, no sign that he had ever been here. It felt like my chest had been ripped in two as I was forced to face reality with terrible certainty.

Erik was gone.

**You know you don't want to wait to see what happens next! More reviews = more updates!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: November is over! 50,000 words completed in one month, which means that I can now return to writing phanfiction. Yay! As always, a huge thanks to everyone who reviewed. I could not wait to get started writing this chapter – I was really missing writing my phics! Anyway, enjoy! **

For a while I just sat in the doorway of the old house, watching as the stars began to fade and the farthest edges of the sky began to glow with the coming dawn. I felt numb, as if my warring emotions were strong enough to even each other out so that I could not distinguish one from the other. All I could think was that Erik was gone, that he had left me. I loved him, but I wanted to hate him for what he had done. Finally I decided to go to Madame Giry's; I had to at least try to do something. 

I arrived at the house just as the sky was beginning to lighten, the horizon beginning to turn pink. The windows were darkened, the curtains drawn, and the house showed no signs of life, much less activity. I knocked on the door anyway, pleading silently that someone would come to the door. There was no answer. 

"Madame Giry!" I called out. "Meg, someone, please answer!" 

There was still no movement. My mind was racing as I tried to think of what to do. What could I do? I couldn't marry Raoul, that much I knew for sure. I could not force myself to marry someone, even someone that I cared about, when I knew that I loved Erik so absolutely. I had to leave immediately; I had to search for Erik. I couldn't just give up so easily. I would come back here and find Madame Giry, and I would convince her to help me. I had no other choice.

I returned to the de Changy mansion, silently slipping into my room as the sun rose. As soon as I entered the room, though, it was as if the weight of exhaustion smothered me. I felt weak, and I realized just how little sleep I had gotten over the past few nights. I practically fell into bed, though my mind screamed at me that I needed to get up and pack my things so I could leave again as soon as possible.

I fell asleep before I could convince myself to rise, only waking when I heard the door opening. "Miss Christine?" Adele asked when she entered. "Why are you still in bed so late? Are you ill?"

"No I just... didn't get much sleep last night," I replied sleepily. My mind snapped awake just after I spoke, and I sat up suddenly. "Late?" I asked. "What time is it? How long did I sleep?"

"It's nearly lunchtime, Miss," Adele replied. I leaped from bed and ran to the wardrobe, pulling out my own clothes as quickly as I could and tossing them onto the bed behind me, pausing to look at Adele, who was examining me with a slightly aghast expression. I realized that my appearance must have been slightly incriminating – my nightgown was crumpled and hung askew on my frame from when I had hastily put it back on this morning, and my hair was wild and tangled. My white stockings were dirty from walking through the streets, and there was a long tear going up one leg. "You… you said you didn't sleep well last night?" Adele asked uncertainly.

I sighed. "I slept fine," I said. "I just didn't get very _much_ sleep."

Adele nodded, still uncertain. "Was something the matter?" she asked carefully. "Were you having nightmares again?"

I shook my head, feeling the faintest trace of a smile turn up the corners of my mouth. "No," I said. "Everything was fine. Wonderful."

Adele quietly shut the door before she turned back to me. "Miss Christine, what happened? Are you alright?"

"You mustn't tell anyone," I said quietly. Adele nodded her head in agreement, so I continued. "I went to him," I said. "I found him, and I went to him, just like you said that you would do."

"But Miss Christine," Adele cried frantically. "I also told you not to do it!"

"I love him," I said simply. "I didn't know how much until last night when I saw him again, but I do. I can't stay here and marry Raoul. I am packing to leave. I can't marry him, Adele. I love Erik."

"I won't tell a soul," Adele breathed. "So you are leaving to be with him, then?"

"I hope so," I said quietly, my eyes falling to the floor. "When I woke up this morning… he had left. He's gone. So I am going to find him. I have to do something, Adele," I said, looking at her pleadingly, as if begging her to understand. "Anything is better than just doing nothing, letting him go."

"Will you talk to the Vicomte before you leave?"

I nodded slowly. "I will talk to him. I will tell him… something. I don't know, but I will figure it out. Now help me pack and dress, please, Adele. I need to leave as soon as I can."

I dug deeper through the wardrobe, pushing past all the frilly gowns that Raoul had bought for me. I refused to take anything that was not mine. Finally, I had a small carpet bag of clothes packed, and Adele had helped me dress and make my appearance a bit more presentable. As Adele ran the brush through my curls, I closed my eyes and let myself remember the feeling of Erik's fingers tangling themselves in my hair, his breath coming in gasps that I could feel against my neck.

"Miss Christine? Are you ready?"

I opened my eyes and examined my appearance in the mirror in front of me. The dark circles had disappeared from under my eyes, and the color had returned to my cheeks. Just yesterday, I had looked like a ghost of myself, and now I looked alive. I couldn't help but feel a little hopeful at the thought; I couldn't help but believe for a moment that everything would be alright, that I would find Erik.

"Yes, I'm ready," I told Adele. "I will talk to Raoul, and then I will come back for my bag and be gone from this house forever." I met Adele's eyes in the reflection, smiling slightly at her. "Thank you for being the friend that I needed while I was here," I said.

Adele gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze, and I stood to leave my room. I didn't know what I was going to tell Raoul. I only hoped that he would understand.

**Sorry that this chapter's a bit short, but there is a lot of action coming up! More reviews = sooner updates!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello, dear readers! Where did my reviewers go? An extra huge thanks to Tbnasib3 for reviewing. Enjoy the chapter!**

I walked downstairs to find Raoul sitting in his study, staring contemplatively into space with a glass of brandy in his hand. I stood in the doorway for a moment, suddenly feeling quite nervous. What was I going to tell him? I still had feelings for him, but they were only feelings of friendly affection. I did not love him. But how could I say that? And how could I possibly explain this sudden revelation the day before our wedding? I could not tell him about going to Erik; I was not ashamed of it, and I did not feel the least bit of regret for what I had done, but everything inside of me told me not to tell Raoul. I knew that I had to listen to my instinct.

Raoul looked up when I knocked timidly on the door frame. "Ah, Christine," he said, his speech slightly slurred. "Come in."

_How much has he been drinking?_ I thought when I saw the near-empty ampule of brandy that sat on the table beside him. "Raoul, I need to talk to you," I said, trying to push my nerves aside.

"Talk, then."

I took a deep breath. "I cannot marry you tomorrow."

Raoul set down his now-empty glass on the table too hard, and I jumped slightly at the loud noise. "Don't be silly, Lotte," he said. "Of course we will get married tomorrow."

"I cannot marry you tomorrow," I repeated. "I… I need some time to myself, Raoul. I need time to figure out what I want, what's best for me. I don't want this," I said, gesturing around me. "I don't want this life."

Raoul said nothing, but looked at me carefully for a moment. "What's changed?" he asked finally. "Something's changed about you."

"Nothing's changed," I said quickly. "I've just been thinking, and I realized that I cannot marry you. I am sorry, Raoul, but I just can't."

"Why not?" Raoul persisted. "If I am to listen to this rubbish, you should at least give me a concrete reason."

"Is the fact that I would be unhappy with this life not enough?" I asked. "You can see that I don't fit in here. I don't fit in with your family, and I won't fit in to society. This is a wonderful life that you have offered me, Raoul, and I will always be grateful to you, but I cannot accept. It is not for me."

"And I suppose that what we discussed the other night has helped you in making this decision?"

I had to think for a moment before I could understand the meaning of his words. "Are you still upset about that?" I asked, aghast. "I did not think that it mattered so much! All I asked of you was to wait a couple more days until we were married and all this unpleasantness was behind us, Raoul? Was that so indecent of me?"

"And now you have asked me to wait a lifetime," Raoul said simply before I had even finished speaking. "Now, the day before our wedding – a day that we have planned for and waited for for months, a day that we have invited the very best of Paris society to – you tell me that, for some vague, inexplicable reason, you will not be my wife." I was at a loss for words, and Raoul stood from his chair. "Be honest, Lotte," he said. "You cannot hide anything from me." Still, I said nothing, and Raoul took a step towards me. "Do you love me, Lotte? Is it truly just this life that you cannot bear? Because if it is, we can leave it. We can go and live on my family's estate in the country, far from Paris society. What is it that you really want?"

My mind went blank as I tried to think of some way to answer this. "I… I just want a bit of time to myself," I stammered weakly. "To… to figure things out. You know how awful these past few months have been…"

"And you just want to escape the past, now, is that it?" Raoul asked, his voice so kind that it sounded almost mocking.

"Yes," I said. "That is exactly what I want. And perhaps I will be ready to marry you someday, maybe even someday soon," I continued, though I knew that there was no truth to the words. "But not tomorrow. I'm sorry, Raoul, but I have to go."

He seemed to have nothing more to say, so I turned and walked quickly back up to my room to fetch my bag. It sat on the bed exactly where I left it, and I quickly looked through the contents again to make sure I would have everything I would need.

"So you've been planning this?" I jumped at the sudden sound of Raoul's voice and turned to see him leaning casually in the doorway. "Either that, or you are extraordinarily fast at packing a bag. It would be quite a talent, you know. You could even join the circus and be a sideshow like our ugly friend the Phantom."

"Raoul, please don't talk about him," I said, trying to look mildly frightened at the mention of Erik.

"Why ever not, Lotte?" Raoul said coolly, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind him. "I know you've been thinking of him an awful lot, so he can't be that upsetting to you."

"Raoul, don't bring him into this," I pleaded.

"And don't think that you can avoid answering my questions when you know as well as I do that I have a right to know the honest answer," Raoul snapped. "And don't you dare lie to me, Christine. I know that you're still thinking of him – I'd have to be mindless not to see it. He's got some sick hold over you that I know I'll never be able to understand, but enough is enough." Raoul's words filled with more and more anger as he spoke, and he walked toward me, firmly putting a hand on either side of my head. "Put him from your mind, Christine," he hissed. "You must, if we are ever to have any peace."

"Raoul, you're not listening to me," I insisting, prying his hands from my head. "I have said nothing about Erik – he has nothing to do with this. This is just me. I can't do this, not right now. I can't marry you, and I have to go."

I firmly grasped my bag in my hand and moved to leave, but Raoul caught me roughly by the arm and swung me back around so I stood before him again.

"You will not leave," he said with cold firmness. "I will not have my betrothed walk out on me, least of all after all I've been through to secure you."

"Even now, when you are trying to convince me to stay and marry you tomorrow, you speak of my like I'm nothing more than anything else you own," I snapped. "I do not want to anger you, Raoul. I do not want to upset you, but there is nothing that you can do to keep me from leaving." As I spoke, Raoul's grip on my arm tightened. "Raoul, you're hurting me. Let me go!"

I pushed at Raoul's hand in an effort to free myself, accidently cutting his skin with my fingernails. Raoul withdrew his hand and seemed to examine it thoughtfully for a moment. There was no blood – I had barely even broken the skin – but I made to apologize anyway. Before the words could form on my lips, though, Raoul's hand came down hard across my cheek, and I couldn't help but gasp at the sudden pain. Raoul, too, looked slightly surprised by the impact and the sharp, hollow sound that it made, but he looked just as resolved not to make any sort of apology.

"You will listen to me," he said coldly. "You will do as I say, just as the wife of the Vicomte should. We will marry tomorrow, and this ridiculous discussion will never come up again. Do you understand, Lotte?"

All I could do was dumbly nod my head. Raoul's eyes told me that he was dead serious; there was no room to question him, and attempting to disobey him was entirely out of the question. Without another word, Raoul turned and left. I sank down onto the bed, bringing a hand to my sore cheek, and tried to think of what I could do. I could still leave – I would just have to do it in secrecy. I had left secretly just last night, and I could do it again. Before a plan could begin to form in my mind, the door opened quietly and Adele walked in.

"I am to stay with you until tomorrow, Miss," she said gravely. "To make sure that you don't… do anything that you will regret." Her tone made it clear that she was just repeating what Raoul had told her.

"Adele, this is perfect," I said, starting to feel the first traces of hope. "You can help me get away from here."

Adele shook her head sadly, fearfully. "Oh no, Miss, please do not ask that of me. The Vicomte told me that if I were to let anything happen to you, there would be consequences of the most terrible nature."

"But Raoul couldn't hurt a fly."

"Then why is your cheek so red, Miss?" Adele asked.

The question took me aback, and my heart sank when I realized that she was right. Raoul had hurt me, and whatever he had threatened her with had clearly shaken her up. I could not ask for her help; I could not ask her to sacrifice herself for my sake. I would figure out a way out of this on my own. I would figure out how to get back to Erik.

**I managed to have all of my real finals on the same day, so just one more easy day of school and then I'm on winter break, which means much, much more writing time! Yay! And you all know that the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write…**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! Winter break is a wonderful thing – all I've been doing for the past few days is reading, writing, and planning an after-graduation trip to New York! Thank you so much for the reviews, as always, and enjoy the chapter!**

It seemed unreal as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My curls were elaborately pinned up, and the white gown that I wore, though not at all my style, seemed perfectly suited for such an ostentatious occasion. My face, though, was pale; my eyes showed the sadness of the tears that I could not shed, and the dark circles underneath them betrayed my sleepless night. Today was the day of my wedding to Raoul. I had not been able to escape it. Raoul had made sure that Adele was by my side constantly, and he himself had slept outside my door, just like he had before when he had been trying to protect me from Erik. I knew that that was not his intention now, though – despite the lies that he fed me, I knew that he really just wanted to make sure I didn't decide to sacrifice Adele's well-being and leave.

So I ended up here, sitting at my vanity as Adele placed the ornate lace veil on my head. "I am sorry, Miss Christine," she said softly.

"Me too," was all I could say in response. I didn't want to think about Erik. Knowing that I would never see him again, in addition to knowing that I was about to betray him and marry Raoul, hurt too much to think about. "Adele, can I have a moment alone, please? I promise I won't try to run away."

Adele nodded, her expression kind and understanding, and she left the room without a word. For a moment, all I could do was stare into the mirror, unable to even process what I say there. I was about to marry Raoul – something I had always dreamt of, something that I had always believed I wanted. But I didn't want it anymore, not at all. My love for Erik, my memories of our brief night together, made life with Raoul seem insufferable. I had loved Raoul at one point, or at least I had thought that I loved him, but now I knew that I was more in love with the idea of him than anything else. Falling in love with and marrying my wealthy, handsome childhood sweetheart had seemed so romantic. And Raoul was safe, familiar. He was dependable and constant, and Erik was mysterious and dangerous. Raoul truly had seemed the better choice – so much so that I had never even given my feelings for Erik any consideration.

But Raoul was just a fantasy. The perfect life that I had dreamt of us living together was exactly that – a dream. I could see now that I would not fit into his life, not anymore. Perhaps if I had never realized my love for Erik, I would be content to live life without passion, to simply do as Raoul told me all the time. But my love for Erik was like fire; it was all-consuming and even the slightest thought of Erik fanned the flames.

I could not marry Raoul. I would never be happy with him. I wanted Erik, I needed him, and I would find him.

In my mind, my resolve sounded strong and sure, as if it was the simple, indisputable truth. But the rest of me was not so certain, and knowing this made the sadness weigh down on me even more. What if Erik was already long gone from Paris with Madame Giry and Meg? They would cover their tracks, I knew, and if the purpose of their flight was to keep the police from finding Erik, then how was I to find him? And even if they were still in Paris, they were due to leave tonight, and there was no hope for me to find a way to escape by then. Raoul would be watching me like a hawk before the wedding – I was sure that Adele was standing just outside the door even though she had agreed to give me a moment alone, and soon Raoul would be sending others in to make sure that I would be at the church on time. From then on I would be surrounded by people, and I knew that Raoul would be by my side constantly. And then he would whisk me away for our honeymoon…

I shuddered at the thought of another man touching me. Even if Erik had left me after that night, being with anyone else would be a betrayal to him. Just the idea of it made me feel sick. How could I possibly be with anyone else, even someone I was married to, when I still loved Erik like I did? I had to leave now, I had to get away before I was married to Raoul, but I could think of no way to escape.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in front of me. My eyes were wild and panicked, and coupled with my paleness and the dark circles under my eyes, one might have thought that I was about to be taken to my death instead of my wedding to my childhood sweetheart. I knew that I had to move, that I had to be looking for a way out, but I felt frozen, held in place by my own panic and despair.

And then, suddenly, it was all gone. My breath caught in my throat; I could feel the familiar presence all around me as if it was something tangible. "Erik," I breathed hopefully.

There was no response, no movement, but the presence did not retreat.

"Erik, please, I know you're there," I said, standing and looking around the room. There was no sign of him, but I knew that I could feel him. "Erik," I said again, not even noticing that my unshed tears had started trickling down my cheeks. "You cannot leave me here, Erik. I love you, and I want to stay with you. But if you leave me here, there is no choice for me but to marry Raoul, and I will be miserable for the rest of my life because I love you and not him. Please, Erik, I know you can hear me," I pleaded. "And do not think that I will forget you; do not think that I will soon learn to be happy with Raoul. Yesterday I told him that I do not want to marry him, and look at what he did to me!"

With one quick motion, I pulled my veil over my head so it no longer concealed my face. There was a bruise blossoming where Raoul had hit me yesterday, one that I was sure he had already come up with an explanation for. Perhaps he was planning on blaming it on Erik.

There was silence again, but this time the silence was thick and heavy with emotion. I turned when there was the faintest hint of movement behind me, and my tears began to flow harder and faster when I saw Erik standing there, his expression distraught. I wanted to run to him, to feel the comfort of his embrace again, but something held me back, telling me that now was not the time, that I had to focus on leaving now.

"Christine," Erik said softly, clearly conflicted.

"Erik, we can talk later," I said quickly. "But I do not have much time before my maid will come to fetch me, and if Raoul thinks that she has something to do with my disappearing, he will hurt her. Please, Erik," I said, my words gentle but firm. "I know that you want what's best for me, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that staying here is not it. We can talk later, but please, just take me away from here now."

Another second passed before Erik nodded, reluctantly, and held out a hand for me. I took his hand gratefully, and he led me to the balcony doors where he must have entered. Standing on the balcony, I couldn't help but look down with fear at the ground that looked terribly far below us.

"Don't worry," Erik said, sensing my fear. "I've got you."

Just as he swung himself over the edge, landing gracefully on the ground, the sound of the door opening made me turn and look back into the room. Adele stood in the doorway, but before I could say anything she simply stepped inside and closed to door behind her. "Go," she said quietly.

I offered her a small smile in thanks before swinging my legs over the edge of the balcony, pushing myself off and landing in Erik's waiting arms. Moving quickly, keeping a firm grasp on Erik's hand, I did not even look back at the life that I was leaving behind.

**What do you think? As always, if there's anything that you want to see happen, just let me know, because at this point the plot of this story is open to pretty much anything. Please, please, please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello, everyone! Winter break is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I have so much time to write! As always, thank you so, so much to everyone who reviewed, and I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

Erik and I did not speak as he led me through the streets of Paris. We stayed hidden, keeping to the shadows and taking side streets that weren't as crowded. The sun was just beginning to set as we reached the outskirts of the city where a single carriage waited, loaded with just a few small suitcases. As soon as we approached the carriage, Madame Giry and Meg climbed out. They probably meant to say something to Erik, but they both froze when they saw me. Meg's expression was one of slight confusion, but upon seeing Erik's grave expression she knew not to question him. Instead she simply embraced me, quietly saying something about how she was happy to see me.

But I was more focused on Madame Giry. At first her surprise had shown through, but her face was once again unreadable as she approached us.

"Christine," she said. "Are you sure you know what you're doing? You will never be able to come back to Paris, or to Raoul."

"Christine is accompanying us, Madame," Erik said firmly, his tone leaving no room for question. "It is what she wishes, and you will not dissuade her."

"It was a simple question, Erik, and Christine is perfectly capable of answering for herself," Madame replied coolly. "It is her answer I want to hear, not yours."

"I am sure, Madame," I said with resolve. "Perhaps we can talk later, in private, but for now all you need to know is that I am absolutely sure of this. I know very well what I am doing, and I know that it is a decision I will not regret."

"Very well," Madame Giry said wearily after a moment. "If you are sure."

We rode in the carriage all night without stopping. Madame Giry said that we were going to Calais to take the first ship away from France that we could, and she was sure to add that our quick flight was even more important now that the fiancé of the Vicomte de Changy was missing. Of course I knew that Raoul would have people looking for me, spreading some story about how I had been kidnapped from my own wedding by the malicious Phantom of the Opera. But Madame Giry seemed to particularly resent this fact. For that matter, she seemed to resent my being here at all. I would talk to her later, but for now no one said anything to each other, and the air was thick with tension and anxiousness.

Sometime near morning, chilled from the cold night air and cramped from sitting still in such a small space for so long, I was able to drift off to sleep, leaning against Erik. He unsurely put his arm around my shoulders, and I did not stop him. I was still unsure of what to feel; I was happy to be with Erik again, but somewhere deep inside of me, I was afraid that he would leave me again. It was just one more talk that needed to be had, one more thing that could not be spoken of now and created more tension between everyone. But for now I decided to simply take comfort in the feeling of being near Erik as I fell into a light, restless sleep.

I was jarred awake suddenly when our carriage slowed to a halt in front of a roadside tavern, small enough to be indiscreet, but busy enough that we could go unnoticed.

"We will stop here for a quick meal and to let the horses rest," Madame Giry said. "Do not look at anyone, and do not speak to anyone. We need to remain unnoticed – if the police were to question anyone, we can't have them remembering our faces."

With that we all climbed out of the carriage, stretching after the long, uncomfortable ride. Knowing that we couldn't be more than halfway there made me cringe – at the moment, just about anything sounded better than getting back in that carriage. Madame Giry spoke briefly with her driver before leading us inside the tavern. I was aware of Erik's hand on the small of my back, barely touching me as he guided me inside. How I wished that I could have some time alone with him, even just a moment! It would be long enough to talk to him, to figure out what he was thinking and feeling. But that was a luxury that we didn't have at the moment.

Madame Giry went to get us food while Meg, Erik, and I found an old wooden table to sit at in a back corner, away from the crowds. Meg gave my hand a light squeeze as she sat down next to me.

"You look tired, Christine," she said gently.

"I am tired," I said. "I'll be glad when we're safe and on a ship to… well, wherever we end up going."

Meg leaned a little closer to me and whispered so that only I could hear, "I know that Mother's a little suspicious, but don't let her bother you. She's very on edge. And I think that it's very brave of you to leave everything behind to be with Erik."

I smiled genuinely for the first time in what felt like a very, very long time. "Thank you for saying that," I said gratefully. "Oh! I really did leave everything behind – I didn't even think to bring a suitcase!"

"It's alright," Meg said. "We're about the same size. You can just wear some of my dresses until we get you new ones."

"Oh, but that means I'm still wearing…" I glanced down at myself and noticed that at some point Erik had draped his cloak around me, making the ostentatious folds of lace and satin much less visible. "Thank you," I said softly, turning to him.

"You looked cold," Erik replied, and I gave him an appreciative smile. Even behind the mask, I could see that his expression lit up.

Madame Giry arrived at the table, carrying a tray with bowls of some sort of stew and cups filled with water. "It's not much," she said. "But it will have to hold everyone until we get to Calais tonight. It would be too much of a risk to stop again."

"What do you mean, Mother?" Meg asked.

"People know about Christine's disappearance," Madame replied gravely. "I heard people talking about it. It was in the papers. Everyone is looking for her."

"I'm so sorry, Madame," I said quickly. "I never meant to make this riskier for you –"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Christine," Erik said firmly, his tone making it clear that this was not a topic that was open for debate. "None of this is your fault. We will just have to move quicker and be more careful. Right, Madame?" he asked, turning to Madame Giry.

She sighed with resignation. "Erik is right. We will just have to be more careful."

Nothing more was said, and we ate quickly. I barely tasted my stew; my stomach was tied in painful knots and I was not hungry at all, but I knew that I should eat.

"It will be alright, Christine," Erik told me quietly, reassuringly. "Everything will be fine. Soon we'll be far away from here."

I nodded, trying my hardest to believe him even though fear gnawed at me. All that separated us from safety was half a day's carriage ride and the purchase of a few tickets. Raoul wouldn't be able to find us in time, and we would be safe. As we climbed back into the carriage, all I could do was repeat this to myself, praying that it was true.

**I know this chapter is on the shorter side, but I wanted to get this updated again. I promise that the next chapter will be a little longer, and reasons for all this tension will be revealed. And like I said before, the plot for this story is pretty much open right now, so if there's anything that you want to see happen, please let me know. And please, please, please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello, my dear readers, and Happy New Year! First chapter of 2012! As always, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I hope this chapter gets the story off to a great start for the new year!**

I felt highly on edge during the rest of the carriage ride – I could not sit still, and I was always glancing nervously out the windows, making sure that no one was following us. I never saw anything even slightly suspicious, of course, but this did nothing to calm my nerves. Erik's presence next to me gave me a little comfort, and after an hour or two I gave up looking out the window and rested my head on his shoulder. All I wanted was for all of this to be over; all I wanted was for us to be safely out of the country so we wouldn't have to worry so much about being seen.

Darkness had fallen again by the time that we reached Calais. We were all exhausted – no one had been able to sleep in the carriage and we had been travelling since last night – and we were all anxious to board a ship a quickly as possible. There were very few people around due to the late hour, but Madame Giry still insisted that Erik and I stay in the carriage, out of sight, while she and Meg went to inquire after tickets. And so we were left alone, the silence around us thick and frightening.

"Are you alright?" Erik asked quietly, his voice full of concern.

Was I? I felt so empty and tired. Drained. "I don't know," I said honestly. "I just feel… I don't know. I don't feel anything, I suppose."

"Everything will be fine," Erik told me reassuringly. "Soon we will be free. We can start a new life."

I simply nodded, wanting nothing more at the moment than to be comforted by Erik's words, by his embrace. I moved closer to him, needing reassurance that he was by my side. "And you'll never leave me again," I said without thinking.

The silence suddenly became sharper than before, stunned and hurt, and I realized what I just said. I realized that I wasn't the only one who had been hurt when Erik left that night. I tried to think of something to say, some way to apologize or make it better, but my exhausted mind offered no solutions. Before I could think of anything to say, Madame Giry and Meg came hurriedly back to the carriage.

"We must hurry," Madame Giry said, somewhat breathlessly. "We are on a ship that leaves tonight for America."

The next hour flew by in a blur. Draped in Erik's cloak and keeping my head down so my face was not visible, I climbed down from the carriage and we hurried to board the ship. Erik, too, kept his mask face covered in shadows, but even once we were on the ship there was some fear of being recognized. The other passengers seemed to have no interest in us, though, as everyone made their way to their rooms to prepare for the long journey ahead of us. Madame Giry had only managed to secure two rooms, and she had told Erik and me that we would have to act as a married couple to avoid drawing attention to ourselves.

Alone in our room, we sat silently for a few moments, and when the ship finally left the dock it felt as if a great burden had been lifted from our shoulders.

The room that we would be sharing was small and simple – a double bed, a small writing desk, a tiny dresser with a few drawers, and a small metal bathtub made up all the furniture in the room. A hand mirror sat face-down on the desk, and I picked it up to examine my appearance, slightly shocked by what I saw. I looked like some sort of cruel imitation of a bride – my paleness and the dark circles under my eyes, along with my general dishevelment, contrasted sharply with the fine wedding gown I still wore and the elaborate way that my hair was pinned up. But now, these were only reminders of Raoul, of the past few days, and I wanted to be rid of any traces of the life that I had nearly become resigned to.

I fumbled clumsily with the endless column of buttons on the back of the dress, not even caring when a few came off in my hastiness.

"Christine," Erik said gently. I was frantic, now, tearing at the dress and the pins that held my hair. "Christine," Erik repeated, taking my hands in his.

I let out a weak, shuddering sob and let Erik pull me to him, laying my head on his chest and letting the hot tears run down my cheeks. "Please, Erik," I whispered. "I just want this off. I cannot bear to wear it any longer."

Erik nodded his understanding and calmly helped me sit down on the edge of the bed while he removed my shoes and then finished unbuttoning the dress. He slid the mass of lace and satin off of me and let in fall in a crumpled heap on the floor before helping me out of the mountains of petticoats and unlacing my corset, leaving me in just my stockings and a thin shift. Moonlight shone in faintly through the tiny window, casting an eerie glow to the room, and Erik gently turned my face so he could see me better in the dim light. He ran his fingers across my cheek – across the bruise that still lingered there, I realized – and when I looked up into his eyes I saw an agony more profound than I ever could have imagined.

"And this was the better life that I left so you could have," he said, his voice quiet and hoarse with emotion, and filled with an unmistakable self-loathing. "Is there more?"

I hesitated for a moment, then lowered my eyes and nodded, pulling up the sleeve of my shift to reveal an even darker bruise on my arm from when Raoul had grabbed me. Erik stifled a strangled sob and turned away from me, and I became aware of a new wave of tears running down my cheeks as well. I wanted to ask Erik what he expected to happen once he left. I wanted to be angry with him and ask how he could not see that I loved him, how he could think that a better life could possibly be mine if he simply left. But I couldn't, not when he was so clearly tortured by the decision, haunted by regret.

"You loved me enough that you were going to let me go," I said quietly, though I was not sure whether I was trying to comfort Erik or myself. "You were only trying to do the right thing."

Erik shook his head, his hands clenching into fists. He still wouldn't look at me. "I should have known," he whispered. "This is my fault. I should never have…" When he finally looked up at me a moment later, his eyes glistened with tears of anguish. "I have failed you, Christine, in the worst ways possible. God, you must hate me, and you have every right to."

"No, Erik!" I cried, shaking my head. "Of course I don't hate you! How could I, when I love you so much?"

A look of hope briefly crossed Erik's face, but he immediately buried the feeling. "But you shouldn't love me," he insisted. "I should have just said goodbye and sent you home that night."

"Erik, I came to you that night because I needed you, because I felt lost and hopeless without you! I don't regret what we did. Do you?"

"No. I've tried to make myself, but I can't. But I hate myself for ruining you, for ruining your life."

"You did not ruin me, or my life, Erik. I came to you willingly, and I'm here with you now willingly. My life might not be quite what I planned, but it's what I want now, and that's all that matters," I said firmly.

"Christine, what can I do?" Erik asked pleadingly. "I could never expect you to forgive me, but what can I do to help make things right?"

"Just promise never to leave me again, no matter what," I said shakily as I relived all of the grief that I had suffered the last few days. "Just promise me that."

Erik took my hands in his and held them firmly, though his hands trembled. "I promise you, Christine, that I will stay by your side as long as you will have me."

I nodded and held back tears, not wanting Erik to think that I didn't believe him or that I didn't want him anymore. I knew that I had already forgiven him, but I also knew that I needed time to rebuild my trust and sense of security – everything about my life had changed completely in a matter of days, and it would take time for me to feel fully secure again. We said nothing for another moment. There was nothing more that could be said for now.

I shivered when I felt Erik's hands on my shoulders, on the back of my neck, his fingers embedding themselves in my curls as he carefully removed the pins that held it, one by one. Erik worked gently, as if he was afraid that I might break in his grasp, and I found myself relaxing into his touch, wanting more of it. Once every pin was out and my hair hung long down my back, Erik began to run his fingers through it, almost reverently, untangling it. A soft sigh escaped my lips – the feeling of Erik's hands in my hair was wonderful. I could almost feel myself returning to my old self. My hair was long, the curls wild and free, and though I was wearing close to nothing, at least I was not wearing something ridiculously opulent and garish. For the first time in a while, I began to feel a small sense of hope. I had finally made my decision, and I had chosen Erik with all my heart. And now we were free to start a life together, far away from anyone and anything that would try to keep us apart.

When Erik finished with my hair, I turned so I was facing him and gently cupped his masked cheek in my hand. He made no objection when I removed the mask, though I could feel him cringe. The dim moonlight was enough for me to be able to see the misshapen flesh, but it didn't bother me anymore. This was Erik, and I loved him.

"You should get some sleep," Erik said gently, his voice filled with affection so pure and strong that it made my heart soar. "You must be exhausted."

I let Erik lay me back on the bed and pull the blankets over me. I hadn't fully realize how drained I was until then, and suddenly I could barely keep my eyes open. Before Erik could pull back from me, I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Thank you for coming back," I whispered.

That night I slept in Erik's arms, knowing with complete certainty that he would still be there when I woke.

**A little bit of fluff is always a good way to start the new year. Again, this story is really open to just about anything right now, so if there's something that you want to see happen, just let me know. And as always, please, please, please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello, my wonderful readers! As always, thank you so much for all the reviews – they never fail to make my day! Enjoy the chapter!**

***This is actually chapter 12, I promise! Sorry about that!*  
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I awoke to the very dim light that seeped into the room, the distant hum of engines, and the very unfamiliar feeling of someone's arms around me. It was a moment before my mind fully woke and I remembered where I was and how I had come to be there. Shifting slightly so that I was facing the warm body lying next to mine, I blinked my eyes into focus and couldn't help but smile at the first truly happy sight I had seen in what felt like years. Erik lied awake next to me, a small smile forming on his unmasked face as he watched me sleepily smile back at him.

"Good morning," I said softly, pushing my hair back from my face. "What time is it?"

"A little after ten, I think."

"Oh! It's that late? You should have woken me."

"You needed the rest," Erik said. "And besides, it was very calming just watching you sleep next to me." My smile grew as he pressed a kiss to my forehead and climbed out of bed, already mostly dressed. "Madame Giry brought by a couple of dresses for you to wear a little bit ago. I'll go walk around the ship for a while to give you some privacy."

"Thank you, Erik."

Once he was gone, I climbed out of bed and filled the little bathtub enough to get the dust of travelling off. Feeling much cleaner, I pulled on one of the Meg's dresses – a simple blue calico, much closer to my own clothes than any of the things that Raoul had made me wear. I was trying to comb out the tangles in my hair when there was a knock on the door, and I opened it to see Meg standing there.

"Meg, come in," I greeted, stepping to the side to allow her to enter the small room. "Did you and your mother sleep well last night?"

"We did, and Mother said that you were still asleep when she came, so I assume that you slept well, too," Meg said laughingly. "And I'm so glad that dress fits so nicely!"

"Thank you for letting me borrow some of your clothes. I cannot believe that I didn't even think to bring anything of mine!"

"It's not a problem at all," Meg said. Glancing about her, she asked in a quieter voice, "Erik's not here, is he?"

I laughed as I looked at the room around us. "Well, there aren't exactly places to conceal oneself in here, so I would assume that he's not. He stepped out so I could get cleaned up and dressed. Why?"

"Christine, will you tell me what happened?" she asked gently. "If it's none of my business, just tell me, but… it's just a little odd. You show up two days before your wedding, asking where Erik is. We tell you, and the next day Erik shows up looking like he's gone quite mad but refusing to say a word. Next we hear, you're still getting married to Raoul, but then on the night that was supposed to be your wedding night Erik shows up with you and you say that you're coming with us. What happened, Christine?"

I sighed. "That night at the opera house when Erik kidnapped me, Raoul followed to try to come to my rescue. Erik was going to kill him. He told me that I could either stay with him and let Raoul go free, or I could go free and he would kill Raoul. I was terrified and confused and angry, but through it all I still felt pity for Erik, knowing what his life must have been like to make him that way. So I kissed him. I thought that it was just an act of desperation, but… it was more than that. I couldn't admit it, not even to myself, but it was more than that.

"Erik sent Raoul and me away, but I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind; I couldn't get _Erik_ out of my mind. I was so lost and confused, but something kept telling me that if I could just see Erik again everything would be alright. I hoped that if I could just say goodbye to Erik, I would be able to move on."

"So you came to us," Meg said.

I nodded. "I knew that your mother had helped him before, and I knew that if anyone was helping him then it would be the two of you."

"So what happened after we told you where he was?"

"I waited until that night so I could sneak out and go to him without anyone seeing me," I explained. "And when I got there, when I saw him… it was like everything had suddenly fallen into place and I was right where I was supposed to be. That's when everything made sense to me – I love him. That's why that kiss meant more to me than I thought it would. I love Erik, but I had been clinging to this idea of Raoul and how romantic my life with him might be. And when I realized that I love Erik, I saw my relationship with Raoul for what it was – just a hollow dream. My love for Erik, though, was real, and I told him."

"That doesn't explain why he showed up at our house in the middle of the night, then, though," Meg said, her brow furrowing slightly in confusion.

I nodded, trying to think of how to tell her the rest. "Yes, well, there was more that happened," I said uncertainly. "I… I kissed him again, but this time was so different from the first. It was… wonderful and passionate, and we… I think we were both so wrapped up in the moment that… we weren't really thinking and… well…"

I looked up at Meg, whose eyes had grown wide, hoping that she understood. "Oh," she said after a moment.

"And then when I woke up, he was gone," I finished softly, unable to keep the sadness from my voice as I remembered waking up so utterly alone. "I came back to your house, then, because I didn't know where else he would go, but no one answered. I didn't know what else to do, so I decided that I would just go back to the de Changy mansion, pack my things, and tell Raoul that I wasn't going to marry him. I don't know what I would have done from there, but I guess it doesn't matter because Raoul forced me to stay. He was going to force me to marry him."

"Erik did come to our house that night," Meg said. "He looked like he was about to die with grief. He refused to talk to us, except to say that he had to come here because he couldn't stay there anymore. We must have been in the back, still trying to get him to say a coherent sentence when you came looking for him."

"He was trying to do the right thing," I said softly. "He was trying to let me go so I could be happy. And I've been so caught up in feeling bad for myself that I forget that it must have killed him to leave me."

Meg looked like she was about to say something when Erik quietly reentered the room. I smiled warmly at him; after reliving those past few days, it was all I could do not to immediately run into his arms and kiss him. Erik seemed to understand, and I could see gratefulness shining in his eyes.

"I'll see you later, Christine," Meg said, smiling knowingly at me as she stood to leave. "I know that Mother wants to talk to you, too, but I'm sure it can wait – it's a long trip, and she'll have plenty of time."

"Thank you, Meg," I said, though my eyes were still locked on Erik's. "It was nice to finally get to talk to you."

Meg shut the door softly behind her, leaving Erik and me alone. Now I did not restrain myself; I stood quickly and took a few steps to close the space between us. Enclosed in Erik's arms once again, I realized that I finally felt happy. Maybe it would still be a while for everything to be right between us again; maybe it would take time for us to make a normal life together. But we loved each other, and we were together now. And at the moment that was all that mattered.

**There will be fluff. I promise you, my dear readers, there will be fluff in the near future. If there's anything that you'd like to see in this story, please don't hesitate to let me know! And, as always, please, please, please, please, please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! As always, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews – I'm so glad that you all are enjoying the story! Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

"Did you enjoy your visit with Meg today?"

I was reclined back on the bed – there wasn't exactly any other place to sit since Erik sat in the small, rickety wooden chair at the writing desk – and for a while, he and I had just been talking. It was different for the two of us, almost like it was too normal of an activity, but it was nice.

"I did," I said. "It was nice to finally get to talk to her, explain what's been going on lately."

The air around us became slightly heavier once I brought up the events of the past few days, and I wished that I had simply said that we had had a nice visit as silence now continued to envelop the room. Finally I looked up at Erik, who was looking at the floor, seeming lost in thought.

"Christine," he said after another moment, his voice soft and despairing. "I… I know that it will take time for everything to heal again, and I know that it's my fault. I know that I can't expect you to forgive me –"

"But I do forgive you, Erik," I said quickly. "Why would I be here now if I didn't?"

"But you still hurt," Erik insisted, anger rising in his voice, and I knew that it was anger at himself.

"Of course I still hurt," I said quietly. "Telling Meg everything this afternoon felt like I was reopening the wounds. But I do know why you left; I understand what you were trying to do. And I forgive you. I know that you still hurt, too."

"I went back to the Giry's house that morning," Erik said so softly that I almost wondered if he spoke to himself and not to me. "I didn't know where else to go, but I believed that I had to leave. I… I thought that you would be happier without me. You had shown me pity, which was much more than I deserved, and now I needed to do the right thing and let you go."

"Erik, if you think that was out of pity for you," I began, but Erik interrupted me.

"I made myself believe it was out of pity," he said brokenly. "If… if I let myself dare to hope that it had been anything else, I wouldn't have been able to leave."

"But do you believe that now?"

Erik thought for a moment. "Now I don't know," he said. "Part of me still can't believe that it would be possible for you to actually care about me."

Tears sprang to my eyes at the agony in his words, at the terrible mixture of hope and self-loathing. "Erik, come sit with me," I said, patting the empty space next to me on the bed.

Erik moved, almost hesitantly, next to me, and I removed his mask before he could object. I was startled at the fear in his eyes when I looked up at him, and I gently caressed his marred cheek. "I love you, Erik," I said softly. "I wish you could believe me."

"I couldn't let myself believe it," he said. "You told me over and over again that night, but I… If I had let myself believe that you meant it, if I had known that I was hurting you when I left and not just myself…"

"Why did you leave, Erik?" I asked softly, my voice choked with tears. I needed to know – I needed to hear it from him.

"I… I wasn't aware of my actions that night, Christine. I couldn't believe that you were really there with me – I thought it had to be a dream. But it wasn't, and I… I hated myself for doing that to you, for ruining you. I watched you drift off to sleep in my arms and you looked so peaceful, so happy, but I kept telling myself that it was wrong, that I had to leave because it was the only way you could have a normal, happy life. But once I left, once I realized what I had done… I wanted to die, Christine. I didn't want to live with myself; I didn't want to live without you." Erik didn't go on, his voice too choked with emotion to say more.

"I… when I woke and you weren't there, I almost wondered if there was something wrong with me and you didn't want me anymore," I said quietly.

"Of course not, Christine," Erik said quickly, obviously pained. "You're… you're perfect, mon ange, and I wanted you even more. I love you, Christine. I know I don't deserve you, and you deserve so much better than what I can give you, but I love you and I always will."

I nodded, and Erik gently wiped from my cheeks tears that I hadn't realized had fallen. He began to pull away from me, but suddenly I couldn't bear to have him far away from me again. I needed him close; I needed his reassurance and his love, and I needed him to believe that I loved him. Quickly pressing my lips to his, I kissed him deeply, fervently. That night that I had gone to him, everything had been so frantic, as if we were both afraid that at any moment the other would disappear. Now, though, I knew he was here, and I knew that he loved me. And, as insensible as it might have been, I knew that I wanted him, that I needed him.

"Christine," he said, finally pulling away from me slightly. "We shouldn't."

"Yes," I said firmly. "We should. Erik, I love you, and I want to show it. I want you to believe me."

"Christine, mon ange," Erik sighed, desperation and desire both mingling in his voice. "Say you love me again. Say it again, and I'll believe you."

"I love you," I swore fervently. "I love you more than anything in the world, Erik. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Once again, we were in a world where only the two of us existed. But now, we knew that we would never be apart again; it was an unspoken promise, and we both knew that it was true. It wasn't until late that night that we fell asleep in each other's arms, tangled in each other and completely exhausted, still swearing our love.

**Sorry about the short chapter, but that's all I have for now. I do have ideas for the future of this story, but I'm not entirely sure how to get to that point, so if there's anything at all that anyone wants to see happen, please do not hesitate to PM me or leave it in a review. More reviews = quicker updates!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! But where did my lovely reviewers go? An extra huge thanks to You Are Love for reviewing! Enjoy the chapter, everyone!**

The days passed slowly, but they were some of the happiest days that I could remember; they were happy because I was so rarely parted from Erik. Our room was small and forced our closeness, but even if we had all the space in the world we would have remained just as close to each other. There were days when we spent the entire day talking, and there were days when nothing needed to be said. We even passed entire days lying in bed together. Sometimes we would meet with Madame Giry and Meg for meals, and sometimes we were more than happy to remain alone with each other in our cramped little room.

"Christine," Erik whispered one night as I was dozing off, warm and comfortable in his arms.

I rolled over onto my side so I could face him. "Yes, mon ange?" I replied as he pressed a loving kiss to my brow.

"Christine, I know I have no right to ask this of you, so it's alright if you say no."

I laughed softly. "Ask what of me, Erik?"

"Marry me?"

At first I wasn't sure if I had heard him, he had spoken so softly and his words were somewhat muffled as he kissed my neck. "What?"

Erik sat up slightly so he could meet my eyes. "Will you marry me, Christine?"

I smiled and gently caressed the marred side of his face. "Yes."

"Yes?" Erik asked, seeming slightly stunned.

"Yes!" I laughed, kissing him happily.

Erik pulled away slightly after a moment, just enough so he could meet my eyes as he pulled the plain gold band off his finger and slid it gently onto mine. "I love you, Christine," he said, looking at me with so much reverence and love that I couldn't help but smile even more hugely. "I love you so much."

"And I love you, Erik," I swore, bringing my lips back to his.

When we met Meg and Madame Giry for breakfast the next morning, I wore the ring proudly, resting my hand on the table so the sun subtly glinted off the gold band. Meg's eyes flashed to the ring then back to mine, and the smile that spread across her face told me that I didn't even need to say anything. I looked to Madame, hoping for a similar reaction, and found her looking back at me, lips pursed as though she was thinking very hard.

"Erik, Christine, did you have a nice day yesterday? We didn't get to see you," Meg prompted, waiting with excitement in her eyes for us to say what had already been silently announced.

"We had a very nice day," I said, looking at Erik who was practically beaming with pride. "In fact, we have some news that we'd like to share with you."

"Christine has agreed to marry me," Erik said, and Meg nearly leapt out of her chair in her haste to congratulate us.

"I'm so happy for you both!" she squealed as she hugged me tightly. "You're getting married! Do you know when yet?"

"Whenever Christine chooses," Erik replied, and I grinned at him.

I couldn't help but look back over at Madame Giry, though, and even though she smiled politely, she stayed quiet. I knew that she would want to speak with me alone. After we ate, Meg remained seated at the table asking Erik endless strings of questions about us and about the wedding. Madame Giry stood and I squeezed Erik's hand before standing and following Madame up to the deck. For a moment we just stood in the cool, fresh air and the warm sunlight, looking out at the vast ocean.

"Are you quite certain, Christine?" Madame asked finally.

"I love him," I said simply.

Madame nodded, but the slight crease in her brow was still there, revealing that her concerns would not be alleviated so easily. "I know that Meg has spoken with you," she said. "She has not told me what happened between you and Erik, but I can guess."

I blushed but said nothing as she continued.

"Christine, if this is what you truly want, then I know that nothing that I say will persuade you otherwise. But I am very concerned for you Christine. You have been through a lot lately – much more than anyone should have to go through. And these last couple weeks, especially, have been utter chaos, and I can only guess at the toll that everything has taken on you emotionally."

"What do you mean to say, Madame?" I asked.

"Only that you must be absolutely sure," Madame Giry said. "These last weeks have been filled with rash, panicked choices for you. You have had to think fast and act even faster, and you must have been confused and frightened, too."

"If you mean to chastise me about the night I went to Erik, you will not make me regret what I did," I said sharply. "You will not make me ashamed of it."

"That's not what I mean to do at all," Madame Giry replied calmly. "I'm just saying that this is one choice that absolutely cannot be rash or panicked. Have you thought about it at all, Christine? And not about whether or not you love Erik. But where will you live? What will you do? What if no one will hire Erik because of his deformity? Then you would have to work. And what if you become pregnant? What if you already are pregnant? Have you thought of that? What if you give birth to a child that is deformed like him?"

"I'm not pregnant," I said. "And if our child was deformed, I would still love it as I love Erik."

"I know that you would love your child no matter what," Madame said. "But what about Erik? What would it do to him, knowing that his child was born like him?"

"Well, that's not something that we need to worry about just yet," I said. "Now, I do not know where we will live, but I know that Erik would do whatever needed to be done to provide for us as best he could. I will find a job, and even if Erik cannot work we will get by. But he will be able to work, Madame," I told her with certainty. "He could be hired as an architect or a musician or anything he wants. Everything he creates is beautiful beyond words; I have no doubt that someone will hire him. And, no, I don't know what our future holds, but no one ever does. All I need to know is that I love him with all of my heart and he loves me just the same. We can figure everything else out."

Madame Giry nodded slowly. "I feel that you have answered this question already, but are you completely sure that you love him enough to be with him for the rest of your life?"

"I am beyond sure, Madame," I said. "Even when I felt so hopelessly confused, the moment I saw him again I knew that I was where I needed to be. I love him; I have never been so certain of anything in my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

Madame smiled slightly, the corners of her mouth turning up just a little. "Very well, my dear. If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what you want, then I am happy for you. I think of myself as a mother to you just as much as Meg, and all I want is for you to be happy."

"Thank you, Madame," I said, embracing her.

"Get back to your fiancé now," Madame said gently. "He will be missing you."

**What do you think? I'm trying to come up with some rewards for reviews, but I can't think of any. Let me know if you come up with anything (you can leave it in a review!), and as always, I'm still figuring out what to do with the story, so let me know if there's anything that you want to see happen. **


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